I have a friend who is having a small wedding but there are several people who keep asking when he is getting married. What is the polite way to let someone know they are not invited to the ceremony when they ask?
Congratulations to your friend – getting married is a time of celebration. Yes, there will be some bumps while planning, but the added stress of brazen or leading questions is not enjoyable for anyone. It is unfortunate that your friend continues to be put in this position. Knowing the questioners’ intent, and staying firm with the response will honestly and directly address the questioning.
When one learns that a friends or acquaintance is engaged, the natural response is to congratulate the couple, which quickly precedes the question, “when are you getting married?” In and of it self, this question shows courteous interests and rarely means much more.
If there are other indications that the inquisition was prodding to learn the guest list, then yes, it is time to say something more direct.
Restate that the small wedding dictates a small wedding: We’re having a private ceremony.
Indicate that you’ve set the guest list: We’ve invited our family and closest friends.
Close the conversation: Thank you for your thoughts and kind words.
The “when are you getting married” questions may not stop, but a simple response and the ability to brush the questions off as friendly conversation will address the ambiguity and allow your friend to continue to celebrate the exciting time.